Purple Scribbles (Previously Recorded)

I.

Can I write anything that will be interesting at all to anyone if I know nothing about what I love but only what I hate and can I ever be happy if my relationships with people exist in degrees of my hate for them and the expectations that I believe they have for me even though most of that is decided beforehand by me and will only stand to be proven right never disproved or created anew. If I'm striving to stop striving and to let myself grow in my own unique energy in this world I have to stop creating the world with my brain. There is no room for love - even here where I hate and reject my brain and my uncontrolled expectations. At least I don't hate words. Everything sort of flies and sticks to the + or - side of the pole and nothing can live in between without freakin' out. I have a persecution complx and nothing valuable comes out of it. Created obstacles lead to bullshit. The true obstacles come unasked for and if I want obstacles so much why do I try and put them up. No, I don't mean that - what I mean is why do I get so angry at the ones I don't create.

II.

Don't you laugh - don't you fucking laugh. Don't - you are out of hand. You have no idea how stupid you look.

III.

Forces of nature - Dad's employers. What is my great enemy right now?

IV.

The mood of all the people in that room across the hall

V.

The final cataract has burst a crack
Across its concrete face and looms above
A peopled village while it drips its threat -
A rusty fan of mildew from the flow
Of trickling river water breaking through
A full five feet of labor made and true
Protection from the churning river held
Against its Godmade path

VI.

Who puts the pebbles and the sticky flecks
Of fuzz across my hardwood floor to plague
My life with endless pauses taken out to pick
The sticky bit thats burroughed in its own
Made enclave in the callous belly of
My angry foot, for me to totter on
One leg in hot frustration anxious bent
On locating the bit to minimize
The time I spend so I can put the foot
Back down before I fall.